Sorrow Sam's POV
by flotternz
Summary: I wrote Sorrow in response to a challenge posted to the sgfic list then decided that I wanted to do a Sam POV too. Just a little tag piece – Sam’s reaction to the events of Meridian.


SEQUEL/SERIES INFO:This story is a coda piece to Sorrow - Jack's POV  
  
SEASON:Five  
  
SPOILERS: Big for Meridian  
  
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Sorrow - Sam's POV  
  
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"Jacob", Jack's voice rasps out, startling me and I'm pretty sure everyone else in the room. "Stop".  
  
I can't believe what I'm hearing. Why does Jack want him to stop? Why give up on Daniel's last possible chance to live? I look at him, knowing that the shock is written all over my face, silently pleading at him not to do this, to not give up on our friend.  
  
"Are you serious?" I can hear the surprise in Dad's tone too. I know that if I looked at everyone in the room that the same expression would be mirrored in all their faces.  
  
Please Jack, I silently plead, don't do this.  
  
Jack is trying his best to keep his mask in place, I can see that, but I can tell he is barely in control of it. I look at his eyes, searching for any sign of what he might be feeling, hoping to see some sign of doubt. All I can see is his resoluteness, and a deep sadness. "It's what he wants".  
  
How the hell does he know what Daniel wants? Who the hell is he to justify this decision? My surprise is rapidly turning into anger, but I can't help it, who is he to decide on Daniel's fate? The more his words sink in the more confusing I find them, unless at some stage in the past he and Daniel had talked about the possibility of something like this happening.  
  
My eyes are drawn to his face, seeking some answer for why he was doing this. Jack's attention is focusing solely on the bed we are gathered around, on the bandage- swathed figure that our friend had become. I realize that he isn't happy with this decision, I can see it in the clench of his jaw, the pinched skin around his eyes. Then why are you doing this Jack?  
  
I know why he is doing it though; I'm just having trouble accepting it. If I were in Daniel's position I would want the same thing. No extraordinary means. Dad told us that the hand device would not heal him completely, but if he had even that small chance, who were we to take it away? Then again, if he were to live the rest of his life ill and horribly scarred, would he want to?  
  
"Someone else wanna tell me what to do?" I pull my attention away from Jack and look at my father. He still has the hand device active, hovering over his abdomen, frozen as he waited for some sort of decision to be made.  
  
I can't answer him. I glance around the room at General Hammond, Teal'c, Janet, they all look perplexed, but they all remain silent. Part of me wants someone to protest, to say no. That part is in war with the part that is slowly beginning to realize and question what sort of quality of life Daniel will have if he does recover from this.  
  
"Just let him go". I can hear the pain in Jack's voice, the same pain that I can feel in my chest.  
  
My heart thuds hollowly in my chest as the hand device is turned off. It's only a matter of time then; a matter of time before our wait ends in the inevitable. A thick silence has filled the room; I feel the tenseness in my shoulders, the morbid anticipation smothering me like a thick blanket.  
  
It feels like an eternity for me, although I know if I look down at my watch I would find that only a few moments would have passed, but I can't tear my eyes away from Daniel long enough to do anything as mediocre as checking the time. His final breath comes out like a sigh of relief, as the agony he must have been in floats away.  
  
The heart monitor screams as his heart stops. Inside I scream with it. It's not fair! Why Daniel? Why now?  
  
"Colonel?" I hear Janet pleading. This would be going against all her training, all her morals. Her job was to save people, not let them die.  
  
But the Colonel is saved from answering when our attention is drawn to Daniel's body. It is glowing. I can't explain it, I don't think I will ever be able to. The glow starts in his chest, but it grows to encompass his whole form. It is blindingly intense, but I can't take my eyes off it. The light rises out of his body and lingers above us for a moment before it disappears through the ceiling.  
  
Nothing about this job surprises me anymore. I have been to too many worlds, seen too many unexplainable things, but the first thing that came to mind when I saw that light was Ascension. I had seen the same thing happen when Orlin was killed. I had never thought that this would happen to Daniel, even though he had the heart of an Angel.  
  
It should lighten the pain in my heart, knowing that Daniel still lives on in non-corporeal from, but it doesn't. It only reinforces the fact that he is gone, he is dead, and I never really had the chance to say goodbye.  
  
I begin to sob, unable to stop the flow of tears, not caring to stop them. I don't care if anyone sees me cry, these people are all my friends, they will understand. Daniel is ...was ... will always be like a brother to me. He was a friend, comrade, and fellow scientist.  
  
We had grown close in the 5 years I had known him, closer than I would have thought possible. Perhaps it was because he was a non-military member in SG- 1, unlike Teal'c who was a soldier at heart, that I allowed myself to lower my defenses. I allowed myself to get closer to him than I would have had the fourth member in our team been military.  
  
Initially I think it was our mutual love of science that drew us together, even though the fields were different it became our common ground. I was touched by his devotion to his wife, to his humanitarianism towards other people and cultures. It was refreshing that we had a non-military opinion in our team. It gave us an edge; it gave us the opportunity to come up with different solutions to a problem.  
  
SG-1 rapidly became like a family. Outside our positions none of us really had any family. Dad had become a Tok'ra and I had never been close to my brother. Daniel's parents had both been killed when he was young. Jack had lost his son, and was divorced. Teal'c's family lived on the other side of the galaxy. Our lack of family was our common bond outside the SGC and as such we counted on each other. We became close; we relied on each other. Daniel was the little brother that I never had; I was the sister he had never had.  
  
I know we were never going to be the same again. I feel it in my bones. Daniel bonded the team together. Can we still hold that bond now that he is gone? I don't know. At the moment it is the least of my concerns.  
  
I wrap my arms around myself as my body is wracked with the force of my sobs. I can't believe he's gone. It hurts so much. I feel like someone has reached into my chest and is slowly squeezing my heart in its invisible fist.  
  
A familiar arm wraps around my shoulder and I turn enough to bury my face in my father's chest, relieved that he is there to comfort me. It's been a long time since I have cried on my dad, but as his warm arms wrap around me and he whispers comforting words to me, I find that his presence is comforting me. I feel like a little girl again.  
  
I let him guide me out of the infirmary, but allow myself one last look at Daniel's body before we leave. "Goodbye Daniel", I whisper, "I hope you find peace in your new life".  
  
The End 


End file.
